Even if, like me, you've only recently started following Megyn Kelly, you will have discovered her visceral disdain for Megan Markle. (Megan Kelly is a media figure who covers politics and news and Megan Markle is the C-list actress who couldn't hack it as a princess in England and now styles herself as a royal Duchess living in exile in Montecito, California.) Although I am not a consistent viewer of any particular show, this much I do know from the little I have followed MK media (Megyn Kelly's network): Megyn does not just dislike Megan, she despises her. The numerous betrayals of friends and family, her selfishness and narcissism, the entitlement and lack of gratitude, the fakery and the empty gloss, are just a few reasons for this contempt. Megan, living in her Montecito mansion, complaining about the terrible ordeal she experienced of becoming one of the most famous and pampered princesses of our time, is the epitome of ignorant, insufferable and vacuous celebrity culture. The situation reached it's breaking point and as a result we witnessed one of the most hilarious catfights of all time. This was in the form of a parody podcast produced by MK media of the "with love" podcast that Megan attempted to force down our throats. The pampered princess is no match for the humor and wit of the true media genius that is Megyn Kelly who revealed the Duchess's banality and put to shame the traditional comedy shows such as SNL and Comedy Central who dropped the ball on this one. Megyn Kelly partnered with Maureen, a podcast host on her media network, and the two recreated the terrible Markle show to such perfection that I was left in stiches from laughter. From pretending to be best friends, to the toxic relationship of bullying and fear (It's funny you call me Markle, you know my name is Sussex now.), coopting other peoples recipes and pretending like discovering microwave popcorn makes her the new Einstein - she captured it to perfection. I guess you got to see it to believe it, and if you are not a news junkie like me, take my word for it - Kelly struck gold.
Following the success of her first parody series, Megyn scored again with an episode imitating the pretend space flight of a group of rich entitled female celebrities. The wife of Jeff Bezos, owner and founder of Amazon asked Katy Perry, a singer, Gail King, a news personality and a few other famous women to pretend to be her best friends for the day in exchange for an invitation to her exclusive adventure pretending to travel to space. It an honesty, it was a cool ride and had it been done in the style of Mark Rover or some other science show or YouTube channel to provide the audience with the opportunity to learn about space and marvel together about the wonders of the universe, we would be having a very different conversation. Instead, these bimbos put on a terrible display of being more virtuous and wiser than all the rest of us peons because they alone went where no man has gone before. Except "man" has been there before, men and women. There have already been astronauts, both male and female, who have traveled to space and back, and the women in this little joyride did not even reach space. They went slightly above the atmosphere where most of us have been many times during regular air travel. Instead of elevating the cause of feminism and space travel they walked all over the accomplishments of the woman who walked before them. By pretending they are the female inspiration for space travel they were in effect erasing the accomplishments of real female astronauts who have already done this but without all the navel gazing and fanfare. MK media copied this to perfection: the simpering praise of the newscasters, the narcistic ego of the "astronauts" and the vanity and frivolity with which they approached the whole endeavor. It was hilarious and the hosts and producers at MK media were on a roll.
Then came time to parody Michelle Obama and her pathetic foray into podcasting. To me, in this project, Kelly fell flat. I wondered why I felt that way and realized it was that Michelle Obama on her podcast had done something so terrible that it was beyond parody. Michelle basically sits with her brother and complains how awful her life has been, what an unfair hand she has been dealt and the difficult ordeals she has been through in life. I am not saying that a famous person can't experience hardship that deserves recognition. Barbara Bush lost a young daughter to cancer, Catherine Middleton experienced and Thank god recovered from cancer and she also struggled with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, debilitating nausea to the point of hospitalization during each of her three pregnancies and Nick Jonas of the Jonas brothers has type 1 diabetes. These are just a few stories that remind us that celebrities are not immune from the curveballs life can throw and oftentimes sharing their pain and how they overcame these challenges can give hope and inspiration to others. Michelle's podcast is nothing like that. She uses her platform to demand praise for fake suffering and to elevate herself to sainthood in the Marxist paradigm through which she sees the world. You might ask why this bothers me and how it is relevant to you. Point taken, but see I couldn't care less if she was trying to promote DEI or cornrows - both of those positions deserve their day in court. What is more, if some has been, wannabee bored empty nester wants to kvetch to her brother - right on girl. Complaining is a favorite Jewish pastime - so beloved in fact that there is a whole genre of comedy and jokes just on that. I cant begrudge her mistaken perception that lashing out on the unfairness of living a privileged life will make her respected, beloved and admired. If she wants to tell the world what a horrible man the former president of the united states is and how terrible it is to have him as a husband - go for it. Free speech is the freedom to speak, and with it, happily, is also the freedom not to listen. And almost no one did as her numbers were terrible. Well, almost no one outside of Megan Kelly's producer. And so...a new parody podcast was born. I was with "Megyn O" for all of it, as she imitated Mrs. Obama crying about the trials and tribulations of living in the white house and the financial calamity that almost befell her due to the struggle of being first lady of America, yadi yada, all the kookiness of pretending that she isn't one of the most privileged women on earth, married to a man who had been the most powerful man on earth all while begging the world to see her as a victim and endow her with sainthood in payment for her suffering. But then she said something unforgivable. Michelle declared that being a mother was the opposite of a blessing, that it was the worst thing that had ever happened to her and had in fact ruined her life. "They mess you up," she said. "They are a hassle...and they are demanding." Motherhood to her is not a blessing, no, in fact it is a burden and a curse. As a woman and as a Mom, this attitude, speech and behavior is offensive and despicable.
The first and foremost reason I find her words beyond the pale is because I have friends who struggle with infertility. One friend shared that she is able to become pregnant but cannot maintain a pregnancy. She and her husband are the most positive, patient, caring, giving and dependable people I know. If anyone deserves to be parents - it is them. Their children and the world would be better for it and one can only imagine the longing they feel to experience this gift. Erin Bates, a Christian reality star, had a similar issue and lost several babies as well, until her prayers were answered and she found a medical a solution and since then has given birth to quite a few healthy children. My friend is still waiting for an answer to her prayers - and it bears repeating - if anyone has the capacity and the heart to be the most amazing parents it is she and her husband. So ### you Michelle Obama with your tears and your whining. My friend would give anything to have two beautiful healthy girls like you have.
Another fertility challenge prospective parents face is the inability to become pregnant via natural means. I am close with a young Mom who had to go through IVF, which is a grueling process, in order to get pregnant with some of her babies. Though I don't know much about this situation, I do know many women walk through fire and hell to bring a baby to earth. Rabbi Yosef Shapiro, an orthodox Jewish Rabbi, recently wrote a book and shared on a podcast regarding his and his wife's personal journey with IVF. Their book highlights the sacrifices a couple would be willing to make for the joy and the privilege of being a parent. Rabbi Breitowitz, a prominent orthodox Rabbi in Jerusalem, is more hesitant and less of a cheerleader when advising couples whether to embark on the IVF process. This is because he is acutely aware of the dangers and the pitfalls involved. Instead, he shares his personal parenting journey through adoption. The joy and emotion conveyed in his voice when he describes his pride and gratitude for his son and the relationship he and his wife have with him is a true testament to the love a parent has for a child no matter how that relationship came to be. These stories demonstrate a positive vision of parenthood and the basic values that should at least be the aspiration, if not the commonly held standard, in a decent society. If we don't cherish our progeny and celebrate the next generation then who are we as a people?
This brings me to the next counterpoint to Michelle Obama's dark vision of parenthood; the grim reality that the blessings of parenthood are not guaranteed to last, as in life, nothing is certain, and at times, even once a child is born, the struggle and the trials are not over. I have a close relatives who waited eight months for their baby to be discharged from the NICU and be welcomed home. During this time, in the same NICU where her little boy was receiving care, an Arab mom was caring for triplets, all three in critical condition as well. Though I was there many many times visiting Mr. Cuddles, as I called him, I never met this other family who went home around the time "we" did. Sadly, they only took home their little girl Alma as her two brothers did not make it. During my time volunteering and helping out my cousins I too was worried and hoped very much that he would have a positive outcome. (I would take shifts visiting him and caring for him to give his parents a break and give him more opportunities for human interaction and love.) Before I got involved, he had been through several surgeries and it came to a point where the doctors had done all they could. They pulled my cousin into a room and gently shared the news. Pray, pray to your god. At this point there was nothing else they could offer. My cousin described walking out of that meeting and suddenly feeling like the hallway was very very long. It was heartbreaking for me to hear this - this young dad had been the carefree teenager I used to goof around with as he and his brother poked fun at the books I read, laughed at jokes, enjoyed family vacations and Shabbat and holiday meals and fun family events together. His mom at times was like a second mother to me and my sisters, she even accompanied my sister to the birth of her baby when she went into labor early and her husband was stuck out of town. But I digress. By the time I got involved and started volunteering the baby was much more stable but still in critical care. It seemed he would make it but I had to watch him endure the torture of the surgeon fiddling with his stoma to keep the hole patent, his cries and wailing every painful diaper change and when due to the distrust he developed of basic human contact he had to learn not to cry and scream when being given a bath. (Another side note - I did that! I taught him to love the bath. I sang to him when I bathed him and this was soothing and curative.) But beyond the pain and suffering, there was still the fear and the concern as there were so many things that could go wrong - and did. I recall one day leaving the hospital praying to god not to allow his Mom to experience the grief of losing a child, I loved her too much. To watch over that baby not just for the sake of his own survival but for the love and care of his dear parents who did not deserve to lose him - they deserved to have him and cherish him and one day take him home. Thank god he is thriving and doing well but I met many frightened parents and saw gravely ill babies during this experience, an experience with profound lessons that I will carry with me.
Through a different organization I volunteered and handed out food to families of pediatric cancer patients, this too was a formative experience for me, especially witnessing the genuine tears and heartfelt prayers of my partner each time we left a unit. A healthy child is not a given, certainly not something to take for granted. Noone has taught me this lesson more than my friend Eva and her husband Mark.* (name changed). Their third child was born with Aicardi syndrome, a rare genetic neurological disorder affecting primarily females. This was discovered when she was close to 9 months pregnant and a doctor urged them to chalk it up to a mistake (to have an abortion and try for better luck next time.) They of course rejected his heartless and inhumane suggestion and this girl gives them so much joy every day. Not by accident - it is a deliberate act of will. They choose to see her as a blessing while being honest about the stress, the worries, the fears and the challenges of raising a child who is neurodivergent. Running a household and all the rest of life's responsibilities while juggling her needs and challenges is not simple and they don't pretend that it is. But her laughter at the beach and the simple miracle of what she can accomplish on a given day is a cause for celebration. Theirs is the example and the vision I choose to elevate and the story they share with family and friends every year at a party they host every fall for the expressed purpose of publicly thanking god for the miracle and blessing of their healthy children. The party is primarily to thank god for the miracle of their younger son's health and they use the opportunity to thank god for all the ways he has touched their lives. This son was born with TGA, transposition of the great arteries. When he was about 14 days old his Mom noticed that he had some sort of hernia on his abdomen, it didn't seem serious, whereas the bureaucracy of health insurance for a newborn is complicated, and so she almost pushed off seeing the doctor for another day. By a stroke of luck some secretary squeezed them in and this act of humanity and kindness saved his life. Turns out, unrelated to the hernia, their baby boy had this heart condition as well, TGA. Several hours later and he would not have made it - they had to put in a chest tube in the ambulance just to get him to the hospital alive, and within hours of his arrival he was in the operating room with a surgeon cutting into a heart that was smaller than an adult fist. And so, every year during the Succot holiday, they make a huge celebration with lots of family and friends to thank god for this miracle. In addition to being pillars of their community, they are clearly God fearing people with a strong faith and they see children as a blessing. They are the sort of role models I choose to elevate and emulate.
Some people pay a bigger price than others to have their babies and not everyone is a perfect Mom. That is the nature of my story - complicated. I found out I was pregnant just as I realized that the relationship with my son's dad was not appropriate for me. The confusion of how to proceed and the shame of divorce was huge, for me it was a situation that was beyond what I could comprehend or bear and I began to contemplate suicide. Life as a divorced woman was just not an option I had ever been told is allowable or allowed. However, I knew that ending my life would end the innocent life inside me who came there through no fault or no choice of his or hers - and so instead of opting out I focused on building a life for the two of us. (Of course I advocate for young people to plan to bring children into the world into a loving relationship of a happy marriage. In this case the ideal and the plan did not pan out, and the question was how to act and react given the unforeseen and unplanned circumstance.) I had the responsibility of someone innocent who needed me and so I chose to build a new kind of life. I worked on my degree and on getting a job and an apartment. This worked out for a while, albeit with lots of bumps along the road until he was nearly five year old, when at that time mental health struggles caught up to me and I was no longer able to care for him. Luckily, family stepped in. Their support of us included his care and wellbeing and support of our relationship. Having a relationship added to both the pain and the joy of the situation, yet we are both lucky that many times over the years I have had the opportunity to step up and connect, especially at pivotal moments such as during covid when he was alone without friends and I was able to entertain him and talk to him for hours, or the letters we sent back and forth, and being able to attend his bar mitzva surrounded by family and friends. The support of my family, especially regarding his care, kept him off the streets and out of foster care. Most moms with mental illness cannot say the same. Yet, it is not all a rosy picture and as a consequence of my choices and mental health struggles, he has not always had it easy. But never ever would I say he has been a burden or a curse. He is a living breathing person with ideas, a unique personality, ambition, a sense of humor and all the possibilities of a yet undefined future.
The health and wellbeing of the people we love is never a given. The scariest moment of my life was when I thought I had lost my son in a car crash. I was crossing the Marine Parkway Bridge when my car hydroplaned, this means water came between the tires and the road and the tires lost all traction. The wheel was no longer in control and so when I turned the wheel the car did not follow. Instead, it turned from side to side to side until I found myself driving at a very high speed headfirst into the barrier. I can still taste the bile and the fear when I realized I survived but did not know what had happened to my son, an infant at the time, in the backseat. I could not bring myself to check and find out and screamed out to the first onlooker to find that out for me and let me know if my baby was Ok. It is hard to describe a greater joy than the relief I felt when she told me and then I saw for myself that he had indeed escaped unscathed. Life is tough and terrifying and parenting is no less - but we as a society get to choose which values and vision we elevate and put forward. I certainly am not a role model as a mother, but one thing is clear from my story that I hope you dear reader can learn from and be inspired to recognize that being a parent is the greatest blessing on earth.
